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hati aku sakit, sampai aku nda mampu untuk merasa apa pun

serius, aku mau nangis sangat2, tapi nda tau kenapa, mata dan hati aku nda mau aku keluarkan air mata even setitik pun

for you...

feels like my heart heavy with this unknown feeling i have for you. its been too long for me to have this kind of full and overwhelm feel..

even right now,at this specific time, i still cant be so sure how far i have this towards you, but thank you, since you make me have the courage to feel this again...

i know how you feel about me, but since there is hope you gave me indirectly, makes me brave enough to feel this kond of feeling again, i think i can just full enough with this thought..

my heart hurt, just know how much time we can spend together, but i can do nothing to make it wonderful. 

my heart sad enough, just to know how uncertain you are about this, hoping it will have a good end, but at the same time afraid if it become the opposite.

this hope you gave me, i will treasure it, no matter what the end will be. these feeling i have towards you, i will make it the most wonderful thing i ever encounter...

just like you, it brings this sweet and wonderful meaning.....

AlwaYs LikE ThiS

i think i do realize how easy i am to trust someone. i think that was aley tried to told me when he asked me bout my feeling towards, you know who.

i do realize it now. i always told myself how i can trust my ownself, but i dont know. it just seems like  someone can controll my head as easy as smile radiantly at me...

Ya ALLAH, i dont want to walk in the same line again,  feel the same huge hole in my heart was dug in, make the same unhurt smiley face but actually i cant make my eyes stop watering, and as simple as that, i dont want to be hurt again...

i cant handle the same sadness again. 

uNFiNisHeD

dont know where to start, i have too various feeling inside my head, inside my heart, and i cant separate them... it took too much time till i began to write something here again, i think....

u know right i too fond of my brother, and there is some photo of him when we were on trip to sandakan. i talk about it later in another post...

toO bOLd

theres something i have to confess here... hope someday when i read back these blog, i can laugh happily seeing how unmature i am now..

even i tried to forgive to forget hafiz, it seems i cant stop thinking about how much i am hurt when i heard those long memories songs, and when i read others love stories, and when i watched their kind of cute love story's drama, and when....

and when i think i am trying to get in close to man, to trust and be trusted, to fall in love again...

i cant stop myself to built a shield which i dont know i have, since i know i do have this kind of i want to be near him feeling, but i cant reach him...

i cant show him i like him, i want him to make a first move, but still i dont know if i can trust him if he do that..

and luckily he seems dont have any kind of feeling, to make the first move! but i. i dont know...

i want to , at least i want him to like me, i think. but every time i see him, since i first time saw him, i can see the hope to me, to maybe at least admire someone, or like him...

since he is the first man who have my full attention on where was him at every time we have any activities together!

but still...

i did believe no woman can make their first move, always. and i did hope for man to make the first move in relationship.

but since he already made the first move, and when he so sure i'd became too attached, not so soon to loved but enough to break my trust, he made the first move to leave me, too!

so, right now, i still cant make the first move, but i cant trust somebody who make their first move towards me, too! i cant trust their true intention!

please, Ya ALLAH, i already forgave him, can ALLAH help ensure my heart to trust somebody...?

sNoW n U~ ^ ^

snowed heavily today, and we had our sobet for graduate wannabe seniors.. i dont know if its correct or not. hu3

everything moved smoothly and happily with those laughters and tears, remembering those days with our photos shown, with them, soon will leave to reach their next step in life. i'll keep remembering you guys...

soon we'll be apart, but hope still there's you in my memories and me in theirs...

1. adeb
2. kak ain
3. kak yat
4. zambri
5. kak has
6. amir
7. syamim
   
8. hilmi
9. nazir
10. drogba
11. along

till then.....

^ - ^

i had my organic chem paper today, so i blacked out yesterday without write anything here, sorry..
i do really hope it goes well since it can effect my holiday, but i....

huh, i dont know what happen to me this winter. i cant focus on my study, for the first time i went blank in exam, which hurt my pride the most. since i can assure you i do know the answer....

my sister blamed for my packed winter holiday schedule, but i cant take it as the right reason... going somewhere makes our body need much rest, but since i have my final exam around, you know right what happen next...

tomorrow i have my biology and i hope i can give the best, since i love the subject, and the prof., but not physically ok. he happens to knowledge learning as understand than memorizing, just as what i think about chemistry, and everything overall...

cant wait for this to end....

i am so so sorry...

bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

im so, so~ sorry. i did promise dila to write something on this blog every day. but since last winter holiday, i'd busy with all, class, paper and life.

i dont know what happen to me this winter, i just cant study, i cant remember on exam, blank!
i dont know if i can still move on with this final exam.....

so, i am trying now to fulfill my promise...

d DaY ThaT hAs bEeN fAdeD

i'd got my 2 pantuns from iqbal for my birthday. but what touched me the most is he told me i have a good heart. it seriously touched me...

can you imagine he answered my question, what's good in me other than all the bad side he always say, for the first try with i have a good heart.

its more like a joke than a truth for me, but i am fully touched by it. thanks for this present...


already this old but i dont know if i can manage to catch up the seriousness of this age...

wiNTeR... (1)

25 December 2010

• my senior married this Christmas, so hopefully everything goes alright for him...
• i'm trying to pack everything for my trip to kyoto! yea..!!
• snowing out here, and cold in here. ouch! how could this happen to me?