:::La3:::

i always believe relationship base on trust.thats how you can have forever attachment towards your love one. love without trust will always hunted by simple but threaten argument that may end your love relaltionship..

but, as time past, i came to understand that relation base on trust but not love are equally fool as love which doesn't have trust. maybe more worse...

i came to have this experience about having a relationship based on trust, too ashamed to admit that maybe this relationship's trust only on my side, but on that time, i did wished he might trust me for a second, if its only for a second...

and as i said, relationship based on trust but love are foolish. they go to nothing except a second happines full of lies and long haunted nightmare..

and i still has this haunted nighmare to trust someone else, afraid i may have to endure the same heartbroken as before. makes me realise i may be did not forgive him yet.

i cant think to feel it has one of my beautiful memories or nightmare since i cant forgive him for this hurt. i cant think myself be strong enough to face him, dont dare to ask how relief i was for destiny that never be crossed between us.

i have to forgive to forget. but as everyone know, forgive is one of the hard thing to do in our life...

TRicKs 2

another quiz.. i think im falling in this type of novel, for sure...

1. if you have a match when you enter a dark room, which you would like to light first- the oil lamp on the table or the kindling in the hearth?
2. is it legal or illegal for a man to marry his widow's sister?

the answer:

1. the match
2. impossible, because he's dead

TRicKs

i read a novel, romance novel to be exact, and there's some good question that may help your brain refresh after long years without english lesson..

1. a farmer has twelve sheep. all but seven die. how many are left?
2. some months have thirth-one days, some have thirty. how many months have twenty-eight days?

sorry, i just have two. but i think, you may enjoy it...

the answer:

1. seven
2. all
   

WoNDeRFuL PeOpLe

last night, i came to know some handsome and talented man. Emi-chan and Noge introduced me to their band senpai, which are wonderful man... i think.

actually i cant remember their name, but if i have a chance, i'll get some picture to show you. since i love man who can play music instrument, they are seriously too wonderful, more understanding about everything, especially about my bad japanese.

they asked me, then waited patiently for my reply, ahh i loved that, and trying to make me understand too many never been heard words they spoke. and he sang a song while playing guitar. かっこいい～

and today, i met one of this man, and he smile and make a bow, you know how japanese greet people right?? you dont know how happy i was just because he greet me. ha3

wa~
one thing i like about this man, other than his height and hansome face and his kindness, i like the way his laugh. he makes me want to laugh with him. he~

ShOCkED BuT oThER SeEM uNBoThEReD

i've had my first snow for this winter. i'd found the urge to play around other than tried to battle with the due of my report. no wonder today was so cold, until i could felt the itched of my skin.


finished with that.

*****

i'd heard hot.fm channel this morning and i was surprised, too surprised until i did felt the urge to lie down, my hand cant moved, and my head went blank, with 3 news at 9( japan's clock..)

there's 3 NEWS about stupid and evil girls abandoned,no, its too kind word i use, threw away their new-born child!!! could you imagined this?? i heard 3 NEWS about this stupid, unbearable news!!!

how desperate you are? how could you do this?how can you shift the sin you made to your know nothing baby? dont you feel like you'll die at this point if you make even a thiniest cell distance to leave your baby there?not other place, but at this most dirtiest place in the world, the dustbin wtih full of unspoken dirty things. how could you...??

after those hardship you have to endure during labor, why you threw the angel away? can you endure this humiliate you may think you will endure for the rest of your life for the sake of this pure angel?

you have murder your own child, YA ALLAH.....

one of my senior has told me once. every woman were gifted with this mother's instinct since they has life creature on their belly. it helps them to endure this pain and joy during pregnancy, have the urge for protection on their baby, and feel the content of the pregnancy and being grateful.

but when ALLAH take back this gift, then the unanswered question on how could a monther throw away their new-born baby will be explained.

YA ALLAH, please let me have this gift forever.

WhaT iS iT...?

how can i just content with looking into his wide smile? till my chest feels heavy with lots of untold emotions, that bring unknown tears in my eyes. thats too much for me, right now, at this point.

i wish i can feel the same feeling towards someone near me, that more realistic. but my heart and head cant let me.

i do feel some affection towards suitake kun, but theres too much minus point than this spontaneous crush. it can be faded away by just looking into this man expression. i hate this.

JusT ThReE MiNuTEs oF pLeAsURe

i've dreamt of him. the man with by all expressions still bring smile in my lips. for the first time, i do really want to face these expressions again and again....

the way he looked at me with jealousy while i busy talking to other man, and walked away with the fullest grip in his hand toward his early spring jacket. searched for patience maybe...

the way he ignored me by focused on the paper in his hand when i approached him, but let out small sound of protest from his chest when i didn't settled down beside him....
ha3, how can someone tried to make me jealous but finally sat with my best friend.. he should tried to have a chat with other girls to make me angry actually..

the way he tried to look displeased and gave the devilest stare he ever had, but still couldn't managed to push me away when i asked to share the paper.... of course with the help of those love puppy eyes i didn't gave a slightest thought to make before...

the way he expressed his anger by spoke meanly while told me what kind of questions could be asked later, but finally reached for the tips of my sleeve for my attention and asked for forgiveness when i made a little sad face... ceh, forgiveness. :p

the way he wanted me to know he was sorry when someone asked him for a question while we were talking.. luckily it was my best friend, if not...

the way he amused by my foolest habit to easily trust what people said even though it was unbearable clear that it was untrue, and laughed out of his lung for my stupid expression and at the same time hold my hand gently as i reached to hit him ...

the way he looked prepared for what came after him...

the way he could read what is on my mind even not a single word has been spoken..

the way he pissed off about i couldn't managed to study, and blamed me for not came with him early instead of talking to some boys. but once again couldn't hid his concerned about i wasn't prepared...

the way he shocked when i tried to shed away his angry by gave him far mock kiss in the air,
but couldn't resist to smile and let out a laugh of satisfaction..

i wish i can meet him in reality, and are ready to take my hand and never let it go far from him again.. how i wish it can be true.....

ThE ReALiTY

maybe there a day when that which is familiar will become unfamiliar...
even if you stare at one point all the time, you will suddenly notice, that it changed to something unknown..

it just the way we live our life every day.. if you just cant be brave enough to make a step, one day you will recognize thing around you had changed, even you are at the same point.

thing can be complicated as you don't know the reason of the thing you do every day. why do you have to? we used to think that's the reason, but as time fled, you will may think maybe it isn't.

maybe the thing you love the most, may be the one you hate the most. it was something common actually, but we like to think too deep, enough to not take the first step instead the next step, make you stumble.


i used to think follow the flow will make things better. i have to go to school, go to university, and all. so, i do remain study cause i know i have to through it though. so why the urge to disobey this order?

but as i accept this rule, my heart and head cant walk thoroughly together. is there anybody who can??

MaNneR oF sEpaRaTIoN

im busy with my hard mid sem exam this month and next month, so i post nothing for this few weeks. today, as im trying to have some times to relax my neuron, i watched a drama, korean drama.. hehehe....

this girl makes me think of something. people always do something base on some reasons, whether its for themselves, or for their beloved ones. and since some reasons cant be told to other party, it hurts badly.

how much could you like someone, enough to make you want to die?i don't believe there is kind of love between boy and girl existed in this world.

break up always brings sorrow towards someone that feels love. this drama told me there are manners for separation. manner for humans, so their sorrow can be lessen or disappear. depends on how strong they are actually.

Go and beg. tell her that you are sorry. tell her you're sincerely sorry that your heart changed. just go and sincerely apologise to her. since there nothing you can do if your heart changed.

even though i never go on with this break up situation, but i do have 'leave out' situation. he leaved me without farewell, acted like we've never knew each other before. he3..

so, i know how sad this break up situation are, for the person who are feel love. and i do really know how this apologise word meant to me. i do really hope for apologise until now, but i do 100% know it can never be happen. he3...

oH hApPY dAy...!

the emptiness of our heart means lack of love. in this 24hours a day you spent, how long are you alone? doing nothing just watching movie alone to fill out the missing hour?

but actually, how long you spent your time with someone doesnt mean you full of love. what is important are how long have you been yourself in this 24/7? do you ever ask yourself about is this the real you?

when youre laughing, are you sure in that mean time, you do really want to laugh? or are you just want to be a part of this people? to be exact, are you doing things you do really want to do?

people tends to do something that others do. they doesnt like to be different, make them lying even towards themselves.

so, in this eid, hope you can find the real you and earn courage to show it. that makes your life even lovelier and alive. cherish every moment, every single event , and everyone....

selamat hari raya haji...

yes sir lights go on again
keep on and on and on
on and on and on

i was having trouble in the long and dark
in the one place where a streak of light shines
in order to reach that place
now my time is here
taking an easy breath
i will stand proud in front of you all

no matter how difflicult it gets as i fall from being tired
the light that shines on me again
oh yeah yeah yeah
even though i want to give up and run away
it shines toward me even brighter
i shed the light again

if the lights go on again and shines over me again
i will raise myself again
lights go on again, lights go on again
when the lights shines over me and wakes me again
it will move my hart again
lights go on again, lights go on again

oh, lights go on agian
oh, lights go on again yeah
oh, lights go on again
oh oh, lights go on again, on again

b2st~lights go on again~

even they had their own stories behind this song, but i hope me too, can take this soul of the song as my new starting life story..